THE INVISIBLE
“Amid the noun and verb, adjective is often tied.
Between the spirit and saga, I dreamt, dared and died!”
I have no wish to die; I am not keen to live…
Yet, before my time, much I need to give…
Today, I stand delighted in my PJs and a black t-shirt and wonder, have I ever been more enriched!
Father’s blood and mother’s flood
A simple soul with injured goal
Deeply kind, and broken mind
A gifted wit and edgy spirit
Burned by sorrows & tomorrows
Plus the Joys that I borrowed
Brain is wired, heart is tired
The phony smiles I never admired
Wish it’s over, the endless road
I’m tired of woe and I’m bored
Betrayal’s burden and the pain
I’m tired of walking in the rain
The lovely faces vile to another
Why the sweet befalls bitter
The blare of hate, tricks of fate
I’m tired of hurry and being late
No one cares, none pays heed
To the truth & noble deed
I’m mostly tired to see this world
In such chaos, twisted & curled
I have loved, I have erred
I have bumped, I have jumped
I have streamed, I had to run
I was burned, the page was turned
I have wept, I have fought.
I was troubled, I loved a lot
I fell apart, I rose again
I have sinned & I have grinned
I have cried, I have lied
I know silence, I have screamed
I have failed, yet I dreamed
‘Courage’ has always failed to fail me.
The unguided Courage is like a bullet that aims at the other and stabs your heart.
When you discover light inside your broken heart, MIRACLES begin to transpire.
I fiddled for years. I was lost and never found until…. God held my hand. As if, prayers were paving way for this light to emerge. It did! Have I passed the test? I often wonder…. I endured lies, survived labels and yet my father always termed me his ‘legend’.
The worst days of my life are over. Words became my weapons and transformed me from wobbled to a warrior.
AND…
This is what I learnt….
Hunger is the root of all trouble…
Hunger crops the storm…
Hunger fosters conflict…
Hunger creates detachments…
Hunger overshadows love…
Hunger is lethal, hunger is fatal…
Even if you know that Death is THE ULTIMATE TRUTH of life, we never learn how to let go. I could barely imagine the feeling of losing my beloved father. I never said goodbye. I am not yet proficient to pen down the ache.
The things we do for Love! We fall from Grace and still Love fails us … When we wait too long to tell our truth, because nobody ever asks, we have no choice but to stop waiting. We have to confront madness to liberate our own. Our obscured feelings unleash themselves and ascend from our heart’s grave when we meet the one who is meant to destroy every bit of us, to stand still and watch us die. And we do. A part of us, we so dearly love dies. And that is when The Divine intervenes, the magic of prayers and we become gratified. It’s beyond words.
That is abundant to take the road to recovery. There is always comfort on that road, if not closure. Things we do, sacrifices we make, fears we fear, hungers we fight, kindness we practice, hardships we forgive, the person we become, the love that we hide in our hearts is all too much for a piece of paper. And yet the relief I feel right now is more than adequate. ME?
Well, After surviving the worst Winter of my life [2016] and Autumn [2017], after losing all relationships and finding some, After living with a murky sense of failure in my feats and a constant feeling of bewilderment, After so much rage, tons of losses, and the worst dismissals, I witnessed immeasurable wonders and the Agony of Love turned into the utmost Joy.
A part of me died with my father, the part he so dearly loved.
And yet, I am solaced to say goodbye without saying goodbye. It is time for you to rest now. Rest in Peace my Love. I will see you soon on the other side.
Being an elixir of constant motion, I have never known calm. This is New. This is terrifying!
The revolution within is nothing less than frightening.
وجود میں بھی ذات دیکھی ہے
اُس میں کوئی تو بات دیکھی ہے
غَموں میں ہی نجات دیکھی ہے
نعمتوں کی برات دیکھی ہے
زمانے کی سوغات دیکھی ہے
معصوم کو پڑتےلات دیکھی ہے
امیر کو لیتے خیرات دیکھی ہے
غریبوں کی صلوٰة دیکھی ہے
انا پرستوں کی لُغات دیکھی ہے
شہ والوں کی مات دیکھی ہے
والد کی وفات دیکھی ہے
دِن میں روتی رات دیکھی ہے
Will my journey change its course now, because I have found my purpose?
Will I be able to live it?
Don’t you see me Smiling?
